Your Eyebrows Bother Me… and Other Reasons Not to Date a Guy

So my mom the other day said I should really try dating again seriously, that everyone is not as crazy as some of my exes… That this time I’ll maybe avoid the guy that wants me to wear a strap-on or grow my toenails out super long  (so he can rub his body against them of course *shudder*).

So we’d all like to think that we aren’t superficial, or maybe that’s just me. I’d like to think that I’m not all about looks, until I just decided to join an online dating site the other day. And I now realize, I’m a very superficial bustard.

So, I filled out all my information, and thought “hey, my dating style in international and interracial so I should find lots of pretty men.” And I did get a lot of first 24 hour looks and emails, because hey, I’m a hot geek. But then… I started looking at the guys.

Eyebrows. I swear you can tell if you can trust a person by their eyebrows. There was a girl I used to work with, that as soon as I met her I didn’t trust her because her eyebrows looked like sideways commas. And I was right, because she faked cancer for 6 months.

So, I blocked some guys because of their eyebrows. Then there was the dude with no chin. He tried to cover up his chinless status with a goatee, but nope, it didn’t work. I thought about “can I kiss a guy with no chin?” *shudder* no.

Muscle bound men with no neck scare me. That’s just not natural. I remember breaking up with a guy in high school for just that fact. He was nice looking and funny, but he had no neck and I was afraid him and his no neck would accidentally crush me one day.

But you know, it not all the looks. I’ve blocked some guys because of the fact that they can’t spell to save their lives. I mean, this is your profile to show to women saying: pick me, I’m a great guy! But you spelled ambitious “imbitous”

No. Just no.

And no, if you use the word swag in everyday conversation, I do not want to know you, let alone have carnal knowledge of you. And who the frack references their twig and berries in their screen name and thinks a woman believes they want a serious relationship???

Oh well, this is what I get for trying to get back out in the dating field, after being absent for a couple of years. My friends and family have strongly suggested I do so, so I don’t become a crazy cat lady. But frack it, I’m going to continue to be picky as heck!


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