I’ve long ago realized that my mind doesn’t work like most people. And that’s okay. A lot of times that means is its more fun in my head than outside of it. But with having an independent brain, plus being an introvert, can make me very self-conscious when I’m out among the masses.
I finally went on a date with one of the guys I met online. I think we’ve been communicating through phone and email for about 2 months now. Don’t quote me on that, I’m bad at math (and time of course falls under math, so for me digital clocks are always the way to go!). Of course, he’s not the only person I’ve talked to from the dating site, but he’s been the easiest to talk to. We’ve been making 1st meeting dates and having to cancel them almost every weekend since we started talking. So you ask: how did it go dimensionthe5th? And I say, hold your frakkin horses, I’m getting to that.
It was… Pleasant. He was gentlemanly, attentive, laughed at my weirdness, and didn’t bat an eye when I started to ramble on and on about the most insane subjects. But… You know that spark that you have with someone who seems to put your heart in your throat and a warmth in your cheeks? It was… Muted. I mean, I’m on a number of painkillers for my back, maybe that muted my energy somewhat. But, there wasn’t an overwhelming “I’ve got to spend more time with this dude!” And maybe that’s a good thing. Things haven’t exactly went well in the past with those that have given me the tingle in my giggles and bits.
I don’t know. I’ve been out of the real dating game for so long that I’m rusty on how these things should progress. If I’m overwhelmed with tingles, in the past I would make a rose-tinted version of the guy. It would be who I imagined they were, other than who they really are. So now, maybe the best thing is just a level “pleasantness”.
But while out… Well, I know I don’t WANT to be like everyone else, but I know somehow I’m always spotted as different. Especially in the brown crayon crowd. Don’t tell me its all in my head! I’m sure it’s not. I think. Anyway, yes, it seems like I get looked at extra. In my eyes, I don’t look any different from any other woman out there, so I have no idea why they do it. I don’t like being sized up. And women seem to do it all the time. Which makes my hackles raise, and causes me to get a tad bit uppity. Although I’m already, I would say pretty articulate, when threatened, I start to probably sound like a pompous bootyhole. Its my fight or flight response. “This is the dimensionthe5th in the wild. Look as she preens and blubbers.” No wonder I’m a rare species.
On top of that, to overcome nervousness, of being out in a crowd of people I tend to put on my “I’m a professional” smile and tone. For some reason, this does not have the effect I want. Instead, people tend to think I’m flirting with them. Arrgh!
Luckily, dude didn’t feel weirded out by me. He just realized that everything I said about myself was true.