I Saw You Nakey Style in My Dreams!

So, while I’m in the midst of my adventures of online dating, I’m also dodging left and right well-meaning friends and their attempts to play at matchmaking. So far I’ve succeeded but they’ve messed my brain up also.

So one guy at my job was mentioned, since we have similar tastes and blah blah blah, we would be GREAT for each other! *rolls eye so hard they get stuck* He hadn’t crossed my mind at ALL before that moment. Until then. And now, muthafrack it I’m nervous and trying to get a good look at him when no one else is looking. He’s not bad-looking, but I don’t know him at all. I think I’ve probably had one conversation with him. But now its stuck in my mind. And if he catches me just staring at him, I may look like a stalker, or that I’m sexually assaulting him with my eyeballs.

On top of that, I had a dream about another guy at the office. I saw his nakey in the dream, and although we didn’t actually get to smexy times in the dream, I cannot look him in the eye. In fact, I just try to avoid talking to him. Because knowing how my mouth goes wonky and likes to word vomit out the most random things when nervous, I would tell him I saw him nakey in my sleep. And knowing me, I wouldn’t “wombit” (word vomit combined… Don’t ask how the b gets in there, it just does) when it’s just he and I. NO, I would probably wombit right on the smoke deck where everyone gathers. awkwardness level would be accelerated to over 9,000, and I would never want to come to work again. Luckily, I don’t see him often. Maybe a man would feel actually good about a random woman thinking smexy times with them by accident? I’m just preparing my “look on the bright side of life” outlook, in case this accident of epic proportions actually takes place.

I just need to actually find a guy on that stupid web dating site that isn’t weird-looking, likes curvy nerdy black girls, can write and talk at least at a high school education level, and doesn’t try to get me in bed first date. That way I can stop stalking and fantasizing about random dudes at the office. Because that’s weird. And I’m weird enough without extra sauce.

 

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