Dear Males of the Past: Frack You Very Much and Very Hard

I have a special little hate for all of you, even those that are still my friends. Whether those I broke up with, or broke off with me. Whether it was friends with benefits, or true love. You’ve all got a special little place of extreme distaste within the depths of my soul.

Ain’t that poetic.

I’m not a bitter person, I swear! I learn from my mistakes. Maybe not the first time since I’m a little thick-skulled, but at least by the third time. So, I don’t date thugs and knuckleheads anymore, because I’m older and wiser. I don’t date guys that want a house-wife/babymaker, because my tummy is closed from creating anymore little monsters, and I love my career too much to give it up for anyone. I’ve learned that I really can use online dating to filter out the craziness, and that’s great. Because of what those mistakes in the past taught me:

My past loves/lusts/WTFs have taught me many things. To listen when someone tells you they are no good for you. They’re probably right. That you can’t change people who don’t want to change. That you can’t change yourself for others. That someone you loved once and still loved, doesn’t stay the same over the years apart, just like you didn’t, so don’t expect the past to be the present. That baby momma drama is something for BET and MTV but not for dimensionthe5th. That if you can’t be honest at the beginning of a relationship, why expect truth in the future? That I never want to be a dominatrix, and I don’t want my man wanting me to use a strap-on. *shudder* That I cannot deal with eating in the bathroom… Just weirds me out dude.

They’ve taught me that just because you are in your early twenties and he’s in his forties, does not mean automatic maturity. Sheesh.

That you should always practice OPSEC and never let someone you “love” use your log-on information, because they may decide to look up she-males and foot fetish websites on the government’s dime… And come close to ruining your career… And security clearance. And have she-males contacting you for a threesome you DEFINITELY did NOT have any interest in participating in… *hold a second, I’ve got to keep the contents of my empty stomach down. Flashbacks, you know*

My past loves have taught me now to never settle for less than what is right in companionship, something I must remind myself as I stay alone instead of just hooking up with what’s available. My standards aren’t high, but over the years I’ve learned that settling does not make one happy, just ask my friends that are on their 3rd marriage. I told myself that when I found love, my commitment for life would happen once, and if for some reason it didn’t work, that was it. End game. No altar hopping. So I’ve held on to my “marriage virginity” with a tight fist… with some close calls that would have made life miserable. And I pffft at those that judge me for that. Like poor me. Poor me hasn’t had to change my last name multiple times – I’m good thank you very much.

But what was I saying? Frack you to the men of my past? Actually… Thank you. No matter how insane or soul crushing those moments may have been, you helped me learn to be me. Annnnd, that’s why I’m now online dating instead. So I guess I have to thank you.

But seriously, never let anyone use your log-on a government computer.

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