Its Not The Way I Want It – Awkward Fracktardery

My life, that is.

This is about to be an extremely short and whiny rant.

I stop, or argue with my family and friends, because you know, by now I should be married right? At least once? And screw me saying that I want to do it once and right, even though that’s the truth. It’s kinda now “Have another baby, or get married, or do something dang-it!”

Because my life has turned into: work, Monster Teen quality time, church, internet surfing, rinse and repeat. My phobias of crowds and talking to people outside of work has gotten worse. I don’t know how to interact, without sounding like an awkward fracktard. What do you do in this situation? Because I seriously feel like I’m turning into my mother. After my parents separated, she had one doomed to fail relationship. It went so badly that she didn’t date for over 10 years. She swamped herself in work, family, and church.

And here I am, following along the same water slide without a way to stop the speed. It’s not like it’s all about relationships. I even have trouble making friends outside the office and internets. I want to do more, but I have no one to do it with. All my friends are married or in serious relationships. I’ve surrounded myself with what I want, but still cannot get it.

How do I reach in and pick myself out of a slump like this? I feel like I’m sinking.

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Smexy Times and Sugar, both bad, but oh so tasty!

So today after work was spent running around trying to get some replacement pieces to my costume for the anime convention I’m heading to tomorrow. *Sigh* Another downside to being extra curvy, couldn’t comfortably fit into the costume I ordered. Luckily, the alternative I found is actually more comfortable than the one I bought, even if it had fit right. I’m going as Medusa from Soul Eater. It looks soooo awesome. The Monster Teen is going to be rocking out in a full Ezio costume from Assassin’s Creed. We are proud geeks and our flag is gonna wave HIGH tomorrow!!! Lets see how much fun my back can take without me falling to pieces in pain. Percocet is my friend, Flexeril is my friend. Rinse and repeat. Anyways, on to what’s been bothering me lately.

I miss smexy times. Not enough to leg hump the nearest male, but my hand gets a work out *waggles eyebrows* if you know what I mean. I just hate the baggage that comes with it. Smexy times without a valid relationship doesn’t work for me. When you literally get sick to the stomach from a 1-nighter in your young and dumb years, you learn never to do it again. And that your conscience is a strong evil monster.

So I can’t have smexy time without a relationship. And a relationship that I feel is actually going somewhere. I made a mistake a couple of months ago of smexin with a friend I thought could be something more. Though I don’t regret it, I do. Yeah, doesn’t make sense, but I have no other way to explain it. Before that, I hadn’t been with someone for a loooong time. We’re talking more than months. And that last relationship wasn’t a good choice either. Never go backwards to a relationship that’s ended, is usually my motto, but there’s one man who I let back into my heart over and over. He trashed it plenty of times (after I first trashed his many years ago), to the point where after he told me he had a new girlfriend while I was deployed and miserable… Well let’s just say my knickers will never talk for my heart with him anymore.

So smexy times… I love them, and can’t have them without someone I really care about. New online guy seems cool, but I can’t yet see myself letting him get anywhere near my giggles n bits. But I have to be careful. I know myself. My giggles n bits have seriously rewired my brain when they feel they’re gathering dust. They’ll convince me that someone is worth letting in to my knickers, when my brain and all those wonderful kittens in my head are screaming No! I guess I’m somewhat like a guy in that moment because the wrong body part is doing the thinking for me. I even have two guys from the job already starring in random fantasies when I have those rare moments of free brain wandering.

Its better to be alone than miserable with someone, right? And I am happy with myself, about 90 percent anyway (the other ten is about my health issues and weight woes). So no smexy times for me in the near future… The giggle n bits brigade can just sit there and become a classic. Won’t they become worth more that way? 😉

And I’ll try to release as much genetic awesome contained in me as I can with geeking out tomorrow. Maybe it’ll take my time off of the missing of a nice set of twig n berries. Oh if only I could combine the two… Kinky role-play anyone? 😉

Your Eyebrows Bother Me… and Other Reasons Not to Date a Guy

So my mom the other day said I should really try dating again seriously, that everyone is not as crazy as some of my exes… That this time I’ll maybe avoid the guy that wants me to wear a strap-on or grow my toenails out super long  (so he can rub his body against them of course *shudder*).

So we’d all like to think that we aren’t superficial, or maybe that’s just me. I’d like to think that I’m not all about looks, until I just decided to join an online dating site the other day. And I now realize, I’m a very superficial bustard.

So, I filled out all my information, and thought “hey, my dating style in international and interracial so I should find lots of pretty men.” And I did get a lot of first 24 hour looks and emails, because hey, I’m a hot geek. But then… I started looking at the guys.

Eyebrows. I swear you can tell if you can trust a person by their eyebrows. There was a girl I used to work with, that as soon as I met her I didn’t trust her because her eyebrows looked like sideways commas. And I was right, because she faked cancer for 6 months.

So, I blocked some guys because of their eyebrows. Then there was the dude with no chin. He tried to cover up his chinless status with a goatee, but nope, it didn’t work. I thought about “can I kiss a guy with no chin?” *shudder* no.

Muscle bound men with no neck scare me. That’s just not natural. I remember breaking up with a guy in high school for just that fact. He was nice looking and funny, but he had no neck and I was afraid him and his no neck would accidentally crush me one day.

But you know, it not all the looks. I’ve blocked some guys because of the fact that they can’t spell to save their lives. I mean, this is your profile to show to women saying: pick me, I’m a great guy! But you spelled ambitious “imbitous”

No. Just no.

And no, if you use the word swag in everyday conversation, I do not want to know you, let alone have carnal knowledge of you. And who the frack references their twig and berries in their screen name and thinks a woman believes they want a serious relationship???

Oh well, this is what I get for trying to get back out in the dating field, after being absent for a couple of years. My friends and family have strongly suggested I do so, so I don’t become a crazy cat lady. But frack it, I’m going to continue to be picky as heck!