I got a disease. It’s a disease that when it flares up I never realize it until after its finished. After I’ve given my time, money, and energy to someone else. George Bailey disease.
Who here has seen “It’s a Wonderful Life”? In my family it’s a staple for Christmas day. It may just be playing in the background, but that old black and white movie will play through at least once on Christmas.
This year, I realized that the movie really started to piss me off.
George Bailey constantly goes through life giving and giving and giving to his family and friends, never getting a chance to realize his dreams. He comes to terms with that until his frackin alcoholic uncle loses the money for their savings and loan, on a day when the Inspector is coming to see how the do business, and the depression is in full swing. Bailey gets straight up suicidal, and honestly, after the life he’s had, who the frack wouldn’t. The rest of the movie goes to show George all the lives he saved and changed for the better, and how horrible it would be without him in the world. And at the end… the town of Bedford Falls gets together to raise money to save him and the Bailey Savings and Loan. The end.
I am George Bailey, and I think that’s why his character makes me mad. I’m not as bad as some, but a lot of decisions I’ve made in life has been for others rather than myself. I’ve given away cars for free to family members, paid off bills, bought furniture, loaned my home and time to people without getting anything back. And some will say, well dt5, that’s just being a good person. You’re supposed to do things without expecting things back.
But I get burned because of it constantly.
When I’m in a bind those same people disappear like smoke. Or after I’ve given everything they’ve ever asked for, I’m told to stay out of their business, I shouldn’t have an opinion. And of course there are those that just feel entitled, and once you give an inch freely, they take a mile and a half, the shoes off my feet and the shirt off my back.
I love to give. It makes me feel like my tummy is full of care bears and unicorn farts. Just happy bubbles. At the same time, spending year after year as the only one to not get anything for Christmas wears kind of thin. Or that I’m the first pick for extra military work because “oh she loves that stuff and is good at it.” It mentally hurts to turn someone down, but I am only one person! I’ve in the past been close to stress breakdowns from being the one doing everything.
Maybe it’s my fault for not saying no. But like George Bailey I can’t help helping. I was made this way, born to want to help others.
But sometimes. .. it pisses me the frack off.
It’s a wonderful life. But those that help make yours wonderful, just let them know your appreciation. .. and give back to them every once in a while.
And don’t wait until they’re jumping off into the ocean and meeting angels without wings and stuff.