Diary Entry 42.0000A: Internet Rule 34 and the Dirty Fanfiction Addiction

This post is a confession.

I’m addicted to reading. It’s a healthy addiction I think. I read alot of books, mostly urban fantasy and horror. But there’s a seedy underbelly of my healthy addiction. It happened when I stumbled upon fanfiction.

It was around 2002-3 timeframe. Buffy was in its 6th season I believe. And I just wanted more in the story-line about Spike. Because Spike was hot. You know, they showed a lot of James Marsters’ skin the 6th and 7th season. Nummy. Siiiigh. Ahem, anywhoo, I wanted more with my characters. So I’m spending the military’s money cruising the internet at work, looking for stuff on Buffy (you know, like little tidbits, maybe some spoilers, pics of J. M. with his shirt off and such) and find this website with stories. Huh?

Is this… heaven?

It was a frackin ultimate high.

It was like… remember the What If Marvel Comics? I still have somewhere one from right after the Phoenix Saga. It was taking your favorite characters and continuing the story, or changing it so that what you wanted to happen, happened! It was GREAT!

And then… I found the dirty stories. Of course I did. And hey, my mind is already pretty perverted, but now, where in Season 6 when Buffy and Spike first get all HBO on the screen and it fades to black, now, I had the full story! This was back before I had my own computer and there was such a thing as the government blocking sites or monitoring a regular office’s computer (or I think, no one ever said anything to me, so meh). So I would read all day long. I would print off some chapters to a long fic I was reading, and take it back to my barracks room to finish. I read through the daggone internet all the Buffy fanfic that I could get my hands on until… I couldn’t find anymore to read. It was like, my crack ran out. Sure there were still some stories here and there, but not enough to feed my beast. People weren’t writing fast enough. I’m a frickin speed reader and they weren’t producing! So… I left it for a while… breaking myself away from the addiction.

Until… I started getting into Naruto. Yes, Naruto. Hey, I’m not sure where in the timeline of my life this is, but I know it had to be about 2003 or later because there were already tons of Naruto episodes out. I remember visiting home, and my young sister going on and on about this silly ninja cartoon that she loved. Now, I remember watching Sailor Moon as a younger dimensionthe5th, an even watching a couple of episodes here and there of Pokemon with my siblings (and remember, I can’t watch the first Pokemon movie ending without shedding a tear). But this, this was straight up anime, and I wasn’t THAT kind of geek yet. Until, I sat and watched a couple of episodes. And saw the character Kakashi Hatake. And by then I had my own computer, and I searched… for fanfiction. Oh dear baby Jesus.

It was the super high all over again, and I hid my addiction because who wants to admit to reading dirty stories about cartoon characters? Ha… there’s many on the internet because there are huuuuuuge fanclubs. I even felt bad sometimes watching the show, getting my memories all mixed up, trying to think “Did Kakashi really do that in the anime? Um, no, because only in the fanfiction world would he do that with Sakura because they aged her up.” And after Naruto, I realized there was fanficition for almost any tv show, anime, any book, move, heck even pop stars! Even my beloved X-men characters. Storm and Wolverine definitely should’ve gotten together. The fanfics SAY SO! The writing was sometimes really good, sometimes written by a 13-year-old that obviously never had kiss let alone understood that nookie just did. not. work. that. way.

And let’s not even talk about the male pregnancy fics. What in the blue blazes O_o ?

My son and I are watching Firefly now (well, I’m re-watching). And my laptop is there. My fingers start a-googling. There’s fanfiction. What if Mal Reynolds had a thing for crazy River? Hmmm. *saves link to Mal/River stories, while checking to see if any new Sandor Clegane/Sansa Stark stories were written recently*

I still say it’s a better addiction than most. I mean, this is my brain on fanfiction. Slightly more perverted than normal. Okay, I’m lying, my pervertedness is over 9,000 with a cherry on top. Not because of the internet. That just enhanced it.

Don’t look at me like that. What’s your favorite character, book or show? I dare you to search for some fanfiction for it. Double dog dare you.

Advertisements

Pet Peeve #52.757 – New Adult Readers Reading Bad Things

I love reading. I love books. Although I have an e-reader now, there’s still nothing like the smell of books. Yes, I smell books. I started reading at 4, had moved to chapter books by five. By 10 I was reading Stephen King, and then stories on the high school list like Elie Weisel’s Night, and Things Fall Apart, all of Isaac Asimov and Shakespeare for the heck of it. A speed reader, I would finish a book of around 3-400 pages in a day if I could sneak in the time. Even when I went through basic training and wasn’t allowed to have any books, I had a small notebook that could fit in the pocket of my uniform that I filled with poetry so I could read over and over again.

That being said, although my reading isn’t always high-end (I’ll read sci-fi/fantasy fiction more than anything else, although I love reading nonfiction about different religions), I do know what well written books are. I do know that it takes a certain skill level. And that even a famous writer isn’t THE BEST writer out there. I mean, my favorite two authors of all time are Stephen King and Anne Rice, and they can go for a chapter about a crack in the wall O_o.

My pet peeve though is those adults that haven’t picked up a book since they graduated from high school or college, and then it was only required reading. And then, this NEW HOT BOOK comes out, and they read it, and want to come talk to me. Argh. Grrr. Ugh. Dear Baby Jesus, it’s not even a GOOD BOOK. It’s reads like the author only had a 5th grade level, does not understand what plot is, and can’t construct a complete sentence. Granted, I’m not the best writer, but I’m a lover of good writing skill. And I’m opinionated. And I’m vocal about my opinion.

Like this: I’m at the car dealership getting my car checked, out smoking a cigarette and reading my e-reader (because that’s what I do: feed my brain while I destroy my health) and this older woman walks up. “Hi, you love reading huh? Me too.” Yay another reader! “You know what I ordered on my Kindle and can’t put down?” Please let it be something good. Not that 50 shades of sh– “That 50 Shades of Grey series!”

Pause.

And then my rant spilled forth without me being able to control it. “You know, I’m so tired of hearing about that horrid series. Who the frack would pay for such bad writing? Why would you read such bad and unrealistic erotica when there’s so much better with an actual plot in it. The author writes like she didn’t pass high school, and even her take on BDSM makes it sound like you’re not into that kind of thing unless something is wrong with you. Her characters are Mary Sue characters…”

The question comes of have I read it. “No, a couple of chapters, detailed synopsis. Did you know this was basically fanfiction that she just changed the names? You’re paying money for fanfiction!”

By the way, I love fanfiction. I just think an author should actually EDIT if they’re going to take a story that they wrote for their vision of someone else’s characters and then publish it. And that’s only my most recent pet peeve about new adult readers. The one before that was of course the “Insert Yourself because the whole main character is a blob just waiting for you” Twilight books. And dear Lord, the Da Vinci Code. That was mostly guys: “I read a book. It was great. I am now intellectual.” Go sit in a corner and shut up dude. That author made me fall asleep 3 times trying to read the first chapter before I gave up.

And I understand everyone has their likes and dislikes. Have at it. But if you’ve only read one frackin book or series, do NOT talk to me about favorite authors, about writing styles, skills, and think that you can bond with me. It’s like a person coming up saying they’re a rap fan because they heard a Black Eyed Peas song. Are you serious?!?!?! It’s like saying you like to cook but all you know is Hamburger helper. Delicious at times, but not really high-end cuisine. In fact, I think I’m cooking Hamburger helper for dinner. Who says I’m too uppity and opinionated?

Rant over.