Fun With Side Effects! Yay!

I would probably be a bad mother if I continue to giggle as my son has the skin crawlies/twitches from his new ADHD medicine right? I guess I’ll try to keep the snorts to a minimum, but he he’s jerking around and looking like he got a bad batch of something. Luckily between laughter I was able to tell him he wasn’t crazy and it was a side effect I’d seen in children before.

It happened Thursday (about a week of him taking the meds). He’s sitting at the table, playing and online game while I relax on the couch, doped up for my back. I glance over at him as he twitches, shakes it off, then twitches again.

Me: what the heck is wrong with you?

Monster Teen: I’ve been feeling like something was crawling on me all day! But there’s… Nothing. *twitch, twitch*

Me: *pause as I think, lightbulb!, stands up and points at him* oh snap! Stephen Mtyzplizk!

Monster Teen: whaaaa?

Let me explain. Once upon a time before I joined the military, I spent a little more than a year as a pre-school teacher. If the pay had been better I might have never left, although I always wanted to join the military. Anyways, during that year I was pretty much a teacher for the 4/5-year-old class, those that would go on to Kindergarten next year. A class of 24, and there’s only on person’s name I remember: Stephen Mtzylpltzik (the name has been changed to protect the innocent and not so innocent). Stephen, from his mother account, had severe ADHD. I’m not so sure about that. I just know in my 17/18-year-old mind, I thought he might truly be the Anti-Christ.

Stephen would come in screaming and crying and trying to run away everyday. He’d yell at everyone, saying he hated them. Even his mother. He’d grab the edges of the front door and scream as his mother tried to remove his fingers and we tried to pull him in and close our security door. We’d try to distract him as we got him into class. Usually that would only end in bribing with chocolate chip cookies (mother approved).

Stephen would also take his dose of Ritalin that morning at the daycare. Why his mother didn’t give it to him at home, I don’t know. I do remember it being chew-able and apparently nasty flavored because he needed juice and another cookie to get the taste out of his mouth. And then he would begin to act like a normal child… For a couple of hours anyway. But boy oh boy would the side effects start to kick in.

He didn’t want to eat lunch. No appetite. And he couldn’t take a nap. He’d sit there on his mat rocking back and forth, picking scabs. Stephen would pick at his skin until his nose, scalp, and arms bled. And after nap time, when it was outside, or indoor play time, well that’s when he really lost his teacups. Stephen hallucinated. And it wasn’t anything pretty. He saw bugs… What he called buggies, everywhere. His scratching went up a level, he’d start to twitch like a crackhead missing a dose, and he’d mumble under his breath about the buggies. Before you feel sorry for him, around this time of day he also became an extra from Children of the Corn. He’d push, pinch, hit, trip, make cry all the other students he could whenever the teacher’s eyes weren’t directly on him. And I will admit that after trying the nice tactic of moving him gently away and softly trying to tell him that we don’t hurt our friends… well one day I finally lost MY teacups dealing with him. To be fair, this was after a week of writing incident reports, him cutting out 666 and pasting it as his artwork one day, and getting injured trying to keep him under control. I began to use his hallucinations against him. I told him I could make the buggies appear if he didn’t behave. And once I told him that, they didn’t actually “appear” to him unless I told him they were there when he was terrorizing another child. The power of suggestion for the muthafrackin win!

Anyway, I really expect to see Stephen Mtzyplzk as a Senator or serial killer one day. As for my monster teen, I explained that all to him, and said that his twitches were probably normal as he got used to his meds, but to tell his doc about it at his next appointment. Of course my son said I’m evil for how I treated Stephen, but how should you treat a real life demon child in your class? Monster Teen luckily only has the one side effect. If he starts drawing 666 though, this test of ADHD medicine is at its end!

I’m not sure about this reality… May be rejected in 3…2…1

This is a whiny post…warning, whiny levels set up to 11!

Things are looking slightly sideways to me. I mean that figuratively, although it was quite literal maybe 2 days ago. So I got good but bad news. My CT scan on my chest was normal.

Yay! Except…

My X-rays are normal, my MRI is normal, but my back hurts so bad I was just stuck on the couch when I was trying to get up to go potty. I’m taking a mix of percocet, flerxeril, and motrin 800 (the military’s favorite candy. They really should sponsor military commercials). That mix is just so I can function at about 75 percent. So I don’t try to roll up in a ball to block out life, scream in pain because my back didn’t like the contortion and is now spazzing and doing the macarena in my skin ( I wish it would do a less energetic dance, like a simple two-step, sheesh). This SHITtake mushroom is not just in my head! So what is it? Doc doesn’t know, I don’t know. But I keep shuffling on.

It’s making it very hard to want to anything, and like I mentioned before, I’m adding on pounds like a fatty in a Krispy Kreme. Right now I’m “curvy” but this could EASILY turn into a BBW situation. I don’t want that. The military doesn’t want that either. Especially since they’re on their “cut down the military” kick. I’m in a teaching position right now, but what if fate somehow threw a deployment my way again? I can’t carry my own weight with my back, let alone Kevlar plates.

The only thing it probably IS helping is my teaching nervousness. Seriously, I’m so high in there that I’m surprised I get all of my words out. But I’m kind of in there, floating, and not really caring as much, an my teaching becomes smoother…well, except for dry mouth. Maybe everyone should be high while teaching? Hmmm, maybe not. I know I am the rare breed that can actually function and drive and teach while drugged up.

So… Its back to physical therapy, and making an appointment with the acupuncturist. And maybe chiropractor. I’m not above a voodoo doctor right about now. Dang it, I’ve got an anime convention to attend this weekend, and I’ve got to be able to pose for the camera!

Crazy must be genetic

So I’m writing in BEFORE thoughts in anticipation of taking Monster Teen to the doc tomorrow. To the head doc. I’ve avoided this for years but I think its starting to really hinder him. Both his teachers and I believe he may have ADHD.

This is not the only time its come up. Back when he was just a Monster elementary schooler, the teachers pushed for him to be medicated. I took him to a counselor that noted the bigger problem at the time was that he had a reading disability that only I had noticed and repeatedly tried to bring to his teacher’s attention. So he got his own IEP (individual education plan-I think it’s called) and received extra help in reading. And things got mucho better.

Until the last 2 years. There’s not a  reading problem (well, he’s still not at OMG the greatest level, but passing). But he just can’t seem to focus. I want to write this off as teenage boy hormones, but he, the Monster Teen himself, is actually concerned. He doesn’t like that he can’t focus, and is so forgetful. Heck, I’d be pissed too if I actually did the homework and then failed because I forgot to turn it in. So, I decided to have him tested. I’ve long thought that probably even I qualify, because oh look shiny happens more than I’d like to admit. It’s why I live off of 3 separate day planners and a chore list to keep me on track.

So, I’ve never wanted to label my child, well other than pet names, but we’ll see what happens with the doc tomorrow.

The next day…

So its official. Monster Teen will start on ADHD medicine. And continue to see the behavioral health specialist for ways to keep his short-term memory working and tricks for keeping focus. He asked very good questions, wanting to know about side effects and such. He was adamant in only wanting to take meds if it did not mess with his health or personality in an extreme way. And he’s like “I know that this isn’t a crutch, but I want to be able to focus like other people do and remember things the way I’m supposed to. Aww, I’m proud of the snot rag.

I also apologize to him, which trust me, doesn’t happen often. I told him that I was afraid of him being labeled so much that I wanted to ignore signs that were there. Bad mother. -30 points. But hey, we’ve got time to get him on track  to a good high school start. I’m excited to see what the changes will be like when he doesn’t misplace 20 bucks in less than 5 minutes. Heck I may want to get myself tested. Nah… I can handle my crazy. No need to add anything else to the long list of my nuttiness.