I Pity the Fool That Makes Me Look the Fool

The other day I had a no good, horrible, very bad day.

Except my hair looked better

 

It didn’t start off well. I went to bed late (reading Beautiful Creatures right now). I woke up late for the gym. I left the gym late, took too long to get ready for work, and was late there too. So, of course it’s the day where people keep asking me if I’m okay.

But it wasn’t until after lunch that it went from just having a pissy face to being truly off. Why?

Because my so-called peers can’t handle their ish.

There’s nothing like trying to do a job that someone else used to handle, and them not giving the information you need to complete it. Especially if someone like dimensionthe5th is about to test her students online and nothing works and she looks like a dummy because the previous a hole of the 9th power that usually handles the test only told me step 1.

There are many more steps than step 1 -_-

I hate looking stupid, not organized, or just plain incompetent in front of my students. But that’s what happened. And knowing my super paranoid self, they probably didn’t notice and just assumed this was the way things went. OR, at the end of the class they’re going to give lots of comments in the end of course feedback saying that dimensionthe5th is a hot mess. And I might commit a felony against another teacher.

I am not OCD. You should see what my car gets up to, junkwise. But I am very much a by-the-book person when it comes to a job I must complete. And yes, it must be step by step by daggone step. I’m talking about, if you are teaching someone how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, you better first list all ingredients, including plate. And the you’d better start with “Take 2 slices of bread and lay them on plate.” Yes I am that anal.

And the other day all I had was Step Frackin 1.

Because having complete directions is so important to me, I go one track mind and cannot breathe, cannot function until I fix what I see as a problem. My whole afternoon was lost, while I worked on writing out instructions and trying to breathe deep and let murderous thoughts go. I could breathe a sigh of relief by the end of the work day, but the anger is still there. Because it’s not the first time it’s happened. With the same crappy person.

But I can’t kill him. So, whenever it comes into my mind again, I just have to send my evil brain waves towards him. I hope he gets gout in his crotch or something. Karma.

You think that’s too harsh? Frack you too. Grotch be upon you also. Grrrr, argh.

 

 

Is that Your HooHah Hair?! Weird Office Living Pet Peeves

Random things irritate me. If you’ve read other posts of mine, you’ve realized that. But today, little things in the office seemed to combine and transform themselves like Voltron into a day of constant irritation. Soooo, onto the list of things that for some reason drive me batty at work:

1. Restroom Light Warriors.

Okay, look, I know we need to practice light conservation and all, but there are 3 stalls in the restroom closest to my office, and students and staff constantly going in and out all throughout the day (not my ninja restroom: see here: http://dimensionthe5th.com/2013/04/10/first-world-female-problems-girls-dont-poop/). About 3 times a week, I walk in and someone has turned off the light. Why does this bother me? Because I’ve watched enough weird and scary movies that I expect to find a dead body. Most likely a student of mine, after I’ve told them why they suck.

2. Over the Shoulder Ninjas.

I used to have a real office, with a door and all at my last office. Now I have a cubicle. And I absolutely HATE people who like to sit there and look over your shoulder for a while before they let you know they are there. It doesn’t matter if I’m doing work, or reading an article on why the Song of Ice and Fire series is sexist. I have deployed multiple times and I may become violent at any time. And since I’m sitting, you may get punch in your twig or hoo-hah. Keep messing with me -_-

3. Bubble breakers.

Seriously, if we are really cool, by all means sit close to me. I still may say that you are in my frackin personal space. But if I don’t know you all that well, why the frack are we within kissing distance of each other?! I mean face on! Turn to the side or something so I don’t feel like I’m getting breath particles. I don’t know where your mouth has been. I’m a smoker, so I know better than to waft my smoky breath right at people. But unless you are brushing after every meal, dude, I don’t need to see your leftover meal on your teeth in 4d.

4. Toilet Shedders.

Oh my god, the many NSFW work photos I went through by typing in pubic hair. WTF was I thinking?

Okay yes, I have a serious issue with restroom everything it seems. But have you ever went into a stall, about to sit down and see secret lady fur atop the seat? *Shudder* I mean, I may trim the lady bush, but any straggler hair goes down the shower drain. Why are the ladies shedding like my cat sheds on my carpet?! And why are you not at least trimming that bad boy between your legs, because that hair is LONG. I mean, are you growing out an afro? Planning to get dreads with beads all dangling? Why are they falling out all over the toilet? Are you balding down there? I really don’t like focusing on other women’s ladies parts, but this is becoming a huge concern for me.

Other than that, I really like my office. The people are really weird just like me. But I swear if this Pubic Conspiracy continues I will take photos and post pics saying “Have You seen the Owner of these curlies? Please come and pick them up in Stall 3.

Biting My Tongue Until I Bleed: Office Conversations on Political Stuffs

I absolutely HATE talking politics at work. I don’t really like talking politics with friends. But someone always, always, always brings their own political agenda in the mix and makes me have to bite my tongue. See, when political stances start, this seems to be the only time that I can shut my mouth and put a leash on it. Especially at work. Because contrary to belief, an average person’s political beliefs seem to be even more of a powder keg than their religious beliefs ( even though the 2 are probably 75 percent of the time tied together).

So 2 instances this week went above and beyond my tongue biting skills, and straight into about to have convulsions from trying to force swallow it. So I didn’t give my opinion.

The first was from a sweet old lady in the office, of the brown crayon persuasion. You know, one of those old school little old black ladies that still wears the old school black sponge rollers in her hair (I know, because she has accidentally came to work with some still in). I love this little old lady to death, but she is ooooooold school. And very set in old school opinions. And so, she will say things that you cannot say in a government office. We were discussing something or other when she’s describing someone she knows except:

“…although he is gay, and I just don’t like that gay stuff and will never agree with that.” *drops voice down* “Oops, I probably shouldn’t say that too loud.”

Ya think? The military has changed drastically over the last few years when it comes to its policy about the LGBT crowd. And I’m proud to say I believe the military is as a whole doing a whole lot better than the rest of the country. Yes, we are politically incorrect when we joke around, but most guys and gals are NOT worried about which giggles n bits/ twigs and berries you prefer when it comes down to watching your back in the sandbox. Or maybe that’s just my optimistic belief. But my point is, hmmm, I guess my point is that in the military (whether you are a government civilian or uniformed troop) with DADT repealed, and all the training we’ve received about it, you can’t come out of your mouth with comments like that. You never know who you are serving with.

The not-so-funny thing is the same week I hear complete ridiculousness about treating America like a Christian country. So, I’m in work bible study, and this dude starts talking about how he thinks it’s a shame, a travesty that we Christians in this Christian nation are letting the really bad sinners (ie: gay people) do whatever they want.

Pause.

Hummana wha?

Since when, since when freakin when was the US a “Christian country”? Maybe when the first settlers came along to duck religious persecution. I don’t know, my history knowledge is spotty. I got great grades while in school, but brain dumped more than half of that mess.

What I do know is that America opened it’s doors to ALL people, no matter their freedom, and that they are free to worship as they please. Isn’t that in the frackin Constitution? We can worship dolphin spittle and that’s fine and dandy. It does NOT, however, make this a Dolphin Spitism country. So no, your argument is daggone invalid. So sorry. Try again. And I say this as a Christian, albeit I’m not a hate all others that believe anything else. And I’m definitely not going to judge a person for one sin. What happened to all sins are equal? Why do so many of us spend soooo much time on ONE sin? These are people who didn’t remain a virgin until marriage, smoke or drink to excess, gossip, lie, but get on a very high horse when it comes to homosexuality. I. DON’T. GET. IT.

I don’t care what you do in your bedroom during smexy times. I would say as long as you don’t hurt anyone physically, but hey, some like a little slap and tickle. I would say as long as it’s consenting. When it comes to if you are hurting the soul you may or may not believe in, that is your choice. Free frackin will and all that.

So I sat quietly in that Bible study, trying to keep quiet and trying to understand why people think they should make choices and judge other people. Of course, I’m judging all those judgementals right now are I? So, I’ll just shut up, and go back to my delicious tongue meal.

Yum. Nom, nom, nom.