Impulse Control… Poetry

So the Sippy Cup (re:¬†http://dimensionthe5th.com/2013/06/23/hes-awesome-wait-whats-wrong-with-him/¬†) is already getting poetry written about him. Again, this can’t be good, and I’m waiting for bad things to happen. The poetry that came out of it isn’t so bad though ūüėõ

“Impulse Control”

I should take it slow…
I know
As my body reacts differently
Heating at your touch
Melting at your voice
You tell me a song with your smile
And I’m already a puddle

Slow, slow
Even as I move to claim your lips
Your lust, your heart
Taking you inside of me in whatever way possible at this moment

Slowly, slowly
“Let’s not rush,” I whisper to myself
As I take in your scent
The vision of you
Becoming drunk off the fantasies
Pouring through my mind, my very spirit
All connected
My emotions want slow
As my body primes for Now
Impulse control shot to hell and back

It’s simple.
I want.
And I don’t want to wait.

Be the strength of us both, I beg
To slow things down
Slowly, slowly move towards
A heightened feeling of more
Before I take over
And plunge us both
Into an exploding moment of ecstasy

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He’s Awesome! Wait…What’s Wrong With Him?

So, with the toe sucker weirdos and non-working white chocolate stalkers, I was bound to meet an actual good guy right? Well, during the time of weirdness I did. We will call him Ridiculously Handsome Guy, like that meme. Seriously. He’s one of those. It’s almost disgusting.

This… my ridiculously handsome dude is my area’s version of this… Evil.

I’m going to fall for it hook, line, and glurg-glurg-glurg. That was the sound of my drowning.

So, even with all the badness/madness I’d run into on the dating site, I was not giving up! Dear Lord there had to be someone decent up there, that didn’t worship roasted chickens, or cause a nuclear war. Someone that had a job, some normal beliefs/morals/values. That was geeky enough that they wouldn’t look at me like I was a bug to be pinned on the wall. AND dear baby Hay-soos, could they be a little close to my age and not old enough for me to say “Dada” in all seriousness?!

RHG popped up while I was looking through all my so-called matches.

And I drooled.

I mean, looks aren’t everything, and I honestly didn’t start drooling until I read through his wacky profile. Wacky and a combination of OMG good looks had me drooling like a 1-year-old holding my hand out for the sippy cup. “Want! Want! Want!” Was all I could say at the computer screen.

But I figured “he’s almost too perfect. He probably isn’t into the chocolaty-ness. AND he calls female smokers dragonlady.” My adventurous drooly baby inside of me said “frack that, gimme that sippy cup!”… I should call him Sippy Cup. Yup, I like that more than Ridiculously Handsome Guy.

So, I listen to my inner toddler and emailed Sippy Cup. I let him know up front that I was a smoker, but other than that I loved his profile. Shortly afterwards I get a surprising reply of his interest, at least to be friendly and get to know each other.

So we did, and I can’t find anything wrong with him, other than him being extremely handsome. He’s gotta have warts somewhere, or a serial killer. Maybe his wholesome personality is a cover for wearing women’s clothes and skinning women at night. There has to be something wrong for him to find me attractive and not have any issues that I can automatically see or find out. It just does NOT happen with me.

So I gotta keep an eye out for the crazy to rear its ugly head. I will not be comfortable until I find it. This dude has to be Dexter-ish, or my names not dimensionthe5th.

This isn’t over. My adventures with Sippy Cup and online dating will continue. Hopefully.

Here’s Another Dribble of Poetry: Stalemate

Again, here’s a bit of poetry that I’m not sure I want people who know me to know about. Just a-writing out my frustrations with relationships. Pffft, I mean the absence of relationships.

“Stalemate”

By dimensionthe5th

I play a game in my head
Where I’m not gun-shy
Or unafraid of getting my feelings trampled
Even though I can barely make eye-contact
Without stuttering when it comes to attraction

I play a game
That I am confident in my romantic thoughts
When it’s more bumbling cowardice
You never know until you try
But over the years…
Trying has become so hard
Bloody inside emotions
Battered, never completely healing

My heart may never again be
Pure and Green like a spring blooming

It wants what it wants
But doesn’t want the hassle
The trial and error
The re-dos
Of feeling out the other hearts motivation
Of hoping not to go down in the flames of lust, love, and like

Can’t live without it,
But can’t live with more disappointment
So instead
A miserable stalemate rules

Diary Entry 42.0000A: Internet Rule 34 and the Dirty Fanfiction Addiction

This post is a confession.

I’m addicted to reading. It’s a healthy addiction I think. I read alot¬†of books, mostly urban fantasy and horror. But there’s a seedy underbelly of my healthy¬†addiction. It happened when I stumbled upon fanfiction.

It was around 2002-3 timeframe. Buffy was in its 6th season I believe. And I just wanted more in the¬†story-line¬†about Spike. Because Spike was hot. You know, they showed a lot of James Marsters’ skin the 6th and 7th season. Nummy. Siiiigh. Ahem, anywhoo, I wanted more with my characters. So I’m spending the military’s money cruising the internet at work, looking for stuff on Buffy (you know, like little tidbits, maybe some spoilers, pics of J. M. with his shirt off and such) and find this website with stories. Huh?

Is this… heaven?

It was a frackin ultimate high.

It was like… remember the What If Marvel Comics? I still have somewhere one from right after the Phoenix Saga. It was taking your favorite characters and continuing the story, or changing it so that what you wanted to happen, happened! It was GREAT!

And then… I found the dirty stories. Of course I did. And hey, my mind is already pretty perverted, but now, where in Season 6 when Buffy and Spike first get all HBO on the screen and it fades to black, now, I had the full story! This was back before I had my own computer and there was such a thing as the government blocking sites or monitoring a regular office’s computer (or I think, no one ever said anything to me, so meh). So I would read all day long. I would print off some chapters to a long fic¬†I was reading, and take it back to my barracks room to finish. I read through the daggone¬†internet all the Buffy fanfic¬†that I could get my hands on until… I couldn’t find anymore to read. It was like, my crack ran out. Sure there were still some stories here and there, but not enough to feed my beast. People weren’t writing fast enough. I’m a frickin speed reader and they weren’t producing! So… I left it for a while… breaking myself away from the addiction.

Until… I started getting into Naruto. Yes, Naruto. Hey, I’m not sure where in the timeline of my life this is, but I know it had to be about 2003 or later because there were already tons of Naruto¬†episodes out. I¬†remember¬†visiting home, and my young sister going on and on about this silly ninja cartoon that she loved. Now, I remember watching Sailor Moon as a younger dimensionthe5th, an even watching a couple of episodes here and there of Pokemon with my siblings (and remember, I can’t watch the first Pokemon movie ending without shedding a tear). But this, this was straight up anime, and I wasn’t THAT kind of geek yet. Until, I sat and watched a couple of episodes. And saw the character Kakashi¬†Hatake. And by then I had my own computer, and I searched… for fanfiction. Oh dear baby Jesus.

It was the super high all over again, and I hid my addiction because who wants to admit to reading dirty stories about cartoon characters? Ha… there’s many on the internet because there are huuuuuuge¬†fanclubs. I even felt bad sometimes watching the show, getting my memories all mixed up, trying to think “Did Kakashi¬†really do that in the anime? Um, no, because only in the fanfiction world would he do¬†that¬†with Sakura¬†because they aged her up.” And after Naruto, I realized there was fanficition¬†for almost any tv show, anime, any book, move, heck even pop stars! Even my beloved X-men characters. Storm and Wolverine definitely should’ve¬†gotten together. The fanfics¬†SAY SO! The writing was sometimes really good, sometimes written by a 13-year-old that obviously never had kiss let alone understood that nookie just did. not. work. that. way.

And let’s not even talk about the male pregnancy fics. What in the blue blazes O_o ?

My son and I are watching Firefly now (well, I’m re-watching). And my laptop is there. My fingers start a-googling. There’s fanfiction. What if Mal Reynolds had a thing for crazy River? Hmmm. *saves link to Mal/River stories, while checking to see if any new Sandor Clegane/Sansa Stark stories were written recently*

I still say it’s a better addiction than most. I mean, this is my brain on fanfiction. Slightly more perverted than normal. Okay, I’m lying, my¬†pervertedness is over 9,000 with a cherry on top. Not because of the internet. That just enhanced it.

Don’t look at me like that. What’s your favorite character, book or show? I dare you to search for some fanfiction for it. Double dog dare you.