Random “Blackness” Testing… I Tend To Fail… May Need a Tutor

Older black male nurse: Have you seen the new Best Man Holiday this weekend?
Me: Uh, no. I went and saw the new Thor
Older black male nurse: Oh, you gotta see it! It’s so worth it.
Me: Um, I’ll probably watch it when it comes out on DVD or something. I like to see action movies when I go to the theater.
Old Black Male Nurse: You’ve GOT to see it. It’s so worth seeing in the movies.
Me: …


One thing that never fails to irk me is being told that I should like something because I’m black. When Obama first ran against Hillary Clinton, I should have been supportive of Obama because he was black. I should watch The Game, and Real Housewives of the Ghetto (I can’t remember the name) because I’m black. I should like Koolaid, and go to Red Lobster, own a pair of Apple Bottom jeans because I’m black. I should be able to swivel my neck and snap my fingers, just because I’m black.

I am black. Surpise!!! But I refuse to change what I like and enjoy. Although I’ll watch on TV and giggle along with a Madea movie, it is not something that I’d wait with baited breath for. In fact, there has to be NOTHING else to watch. Or I’m stuck at a family member’s house. I mean, hey, I grew up and watched all my “Black Card” movies: The Color Purple, Lean on Me, Roots, Coming to America, etc. But, that doesn’t mean I’m going to go and look for the latest black movie that EVERYONE must see and support. And seriously, it’s fine if you do. But don’t expect that just because we share a skin tone, I’m going to give a good gosh darn about the latest chocolate written and directed movie. Don’t look at me like I’m crazy when I say I don’t care for those. And before you say it, I’m just as frackin black as you. I’m just not a stereotype.

Broaden your frackin horizons.

Hopefully one day there will be more black written sci-fi and fantasy movies that make it to the big screen. And you know what, when I’m randomly tested on my “blackness” in a doctor’s office I can gush and exclaim:

Oh yeah, I saw that! It was awesome!

Or maybe I’ll have to say “That ish was hot! The bomb diggity.”

(Hmmm, that may be too old and lame.)

Randomly shouts YOLO and runs away.


My Peach Crayon and Brown Crayon Friends: Never Doubt the Pride of My Chocolateyness

Someone said something to me the other day that made twitch with WTFrackness:

“You know, even though you try to act like you’re not black, your pictures of you don’t lie.”


It’s the same thing I’ve heard over the years in different ways, over and over again. You act white, you sound white, you’re forgetting that you’re black. I assumed you date only white guys (with the unsaid “because you’re a oreo”). Shouldn’t you know this (because you’re black)? Or the most mind-boggling of all: oh, I forgot you were black.

*looks in the mirror*

Hmm, milk chocolate skin, non-artificial big beautiful lips, and a badonk that needs tail lights.

Hmmm, yes, I’m still coloring with the brown crayon.

I guess it all has to do with stereotypes and how people believe a black person should behave. And how I forget that I’m supposed to be a walking, talking caricature of a black female. I blame my mother.

See, the mother is Hispanic and Black. And you would think this would grace her with some innate rhythm. Uh, yeah, not so much. The only thing my mom can do is move her feet side to side. Seriously. I’ve seen her do this on the dance floor. And it’s not even always in rhythm to the song, this most basic of the basic 2-steps. So there’s strike one.

Strike 2 is that along with no rhythm, she is a geek. It doesn’t matter that she grew up in the hood until she was 20 or so. She speaks like it, much to my horror, and I constantly am correcting her. But even with only a high school education, the woman in her spare time likes to read, write poetry, create inventions for her dream kitchen, and watches sci-fi and supernatural shows. This woman produced one child that thinks she’s Japanese and draws manga, a son that can create his own video games and is a math whiz, and me who loves to write poetry, short stories and dreams of one day finishing her own supernatural book series.

So, growing up that way, and being a complete and utter nerd, I didn’t learn all the stereotypes I was supposed to live up to. I can’t do the whole neck swivel thing. My rhythm is a learned thing from watching other black girls so I never looked like a complete fool on the dance floor. I’ve never owned a pair of apple bottom jeans. I can’t stand Tyler Perry movies, or the show The Game, or the so-called African-American section in the bookstore. I know more about anime than I know about BET (although I do love hip_hop, well before now; see this post:  http://dimensionthe5th.com/2013/04/04/frack-me-im-getting-old-losing-my-love-of-hip-hop/ ). I’d rather have Riesling than Moscato because Moscato is just too sweet, and I need my wine to have some kind of bite. Even though I’ve fought singing along in the past around my peach crayon friends, yes, I do know all the words to Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing, and Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody. Give me a couple of glasses of wine and I’ll stand on the table with you and sing along.

But does that make me not black? Or does that make me an individual. Contrary to belief of some, I don’t want to be white. Growing up, in the suburbs in mostly white neighborhoods did confuse me for a while, and make me pessimistic about life in general. I didn’t look like my friends. They didn’t understand that my hair wasn’t straight like theirs. That my lips were pretty much my whole face until I grew into them. But I grew up and grew to love myself and my looks. Frack, now I’m quite vain about them.

But that doesn’t make me not black. Being able to speak without slang and ebonics does not mean I’m trying to be white. It means I was taught to talk correctly by my schools, my biological sperm donor, and my mother (even with my mother’s articulation issues. I love that woman!). Just because I’m not interested in most black dramas/ comedies, etc does not mean I’m not black. Just that black people need to make more sci-fi/ fantasy stuff for me to watch!

I like myself the way I am. I’m not apologizing for it.

cup of tea

Although it makes me twitch, its YOUR (whoever you random people may be) problem for trying to fit me in a box. Nobody puts baby in a corner and all that.

Funny, this whole post reminds me of the saying “I don’t have to do nothing but stay black and die!”

Cosplay Should Not Be About Color

My little sister has cosplayed for years… I think she started around 12. I myself only went dressed up to a convention a for the first time about a year ago. I loved it, and have been preparing for my next chance to go (3 costumes all ready to go!). Of course, the last time I went I was in another country, so yes I was one of the few Americans, and definitely the only brown crayon comrade out there. But this time I’m going in the states. And then my sister (who is the cosplay champ in my eyes) sent me this link called “I’M A BLACK FEMALE COSPLAYER AND SOME PEOPLE HATE IT.” People upset at a black woman who loves cosplay because she’s not the “right” skin tone? I could have sworn all those characters were Japanese O_o. It made me realize that when my son and I go to our first cosplay convention in the states, we might not be as accepted as I thought we would be. Will someone actually look at us, and DOWN at us for dressing as a character that doesn’t match our skin tone??? Even though I’ve never received any racism towards me, I shouldn’t have to even worry about it! My family, from my parents, siblings, and son are proud geeks, and should be able to wave our geek flag like anyone else. No one should be judged as they experience their hobby to the fullest.

Except for Furries. I’m sorry. You guys scare me. Sorry for my geek prejudice (geekjudice?)  Okay, I’ll go hide in a corner now.