Punch a Clown in the Face & Other Phobias

Stephen King’s It was the first story, movie and written, that got me into Stephen King and adult horror books. I think I was about ten or so. Saw the movie first and then went to the library to rent out the book. This series also solidified the creepiness of Clowns. Pennywise is still forever more the scariest clown in the history of the world.

I hate clowns. But that phobia is kind of normal. I mean, who actually likes clowns? They have fake painted faces, always smiling, laughing for no reason, making you try to laugh with them. Who does that?! Clowns do. They’re unsettling little bastards that do not seem human once they have all the clown makeup and gear on. They also have a habit of messing more with the people who aren’t smiling. Guess who that is? Me. Yes, me. And I can’t give them a fake smile because all I can think about it that as soon as I start to trust them a butcher knife is going to come out of the folds of their costume and they will proceed to chop me into little pieces.

The other thing that unsettles me kind of connects to the clown issue: furries and full costume wearers (like the Mickey & Disney characters). Seriously, I refuse to ever go to Disney World. I have the money saved, I love amusement parks, but heck to the naw. Those beasts are running all around the park, the commercials say so! And THEIR fixed smiles and big gloved hands are going to come towards me, ready to touch me, and I will ACT A FRACKIN FOOL. One of my jobs once called for me to be around a mascot for an amount of time. Even though I knew who was in the costume, they knew that once the head was on to stay far away from me. Or they may not walk away with their twigs and berries un-kicked.

What else unsettles dimensionthe5th? Glad you asked: birds. Yes, all kinds of birds. Except penguins  They’re cool. But especially ducks and geese. There’s these gangster geese at the lake by my mother’s house that like to try and attack me when all I’m trying to do is sit out on the porch and inhale some nicotine while reading a book. Birds plot, you can tell… that’s why you’ll be minding your business far away from them and they will find you and poop on you anyway. I think it’s between dolphins and birds that one of those devious animals will try and take over the world from humans one day. In case you didn’t know, I’m convinced dolphins are shady bastards.

Last but not least, I do feel bad about this one, because these people can’t help it, but midgets freak me out. I don’t know if it was Oompa Loompas at an early age or something else that makes me feel skittish around little people, but I’m just… I don’t try to, and I think I hide my feelings pretty well, but I’m just ready to run when I see someone of the shorter stature. It doesn’t help that my weirdest and scariest dreams feature evil midget monsters. That and monkeys, but the monkeys are usually on my side.

What does that all tell you? I watched too many horror movies and read too many Stephen King books as a young kid.

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There is a such thing as a Black Female Geek

Why am I writing so many posts after just creating this blog? Well I do have some extra time on my hands having just arrived to a new military duty station. On we go….

Intro: I had a Korean boyfriend for about 6 months. He didn’t look to kindly on the fact that I was constantly trying to convince him to dress up like Kakashi Hatake from the anime Naruto.

Hello, my name is dimensionthe5th and I’m a geek. (*waving with maniacal grin)

There’s nothing wrong with me. I look normal, attractive even so I hear when I get hit on. I’m in my early 30’s with a teenage son (do the math, I was not always with a book in my face). I also have a huge photo of Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood and the Cheshire Cat in my office. And my anime character figurines and key chains. And I love conventions and dress-up. And comics and comic book movies. One of my biggest wishes is to see Stephen King’s The Dark Tower Series turned into a show like Game of Thrones. I swear to you I was already saying frack before the re-imagined version of Battlestar Galatica came out.

So how does that work with a black female trying to date? I’m an international dater so I have more to pick from, but still run into the same problems: too much or too little. Either I date the guy who isn’t really into what I am who finds the geeky side cute, and then later expects me to change like I’m a toddler going through a biting phase, OR date the geeky guy who is so far gone they can’t function in normal society. Where the frack is the happy medium! It’s rare.

There’s not just that. Depending on what kind of family you come from you grow up with the derision from other family members. My family is GHET-TO. Yes, I must capitalize. When you have an uncle who at times has been an aspiring singer/pimp/crackhead/ pastor/pill-popping alcohol, you just might have some ghetto in your family. But my parents raised me in the suburbs. And since I was an only child for a long while I didn’t like going outside. I enjoyed reading, pretending to be a wizard, or making full on dramas with my barbies that put Soap Operas to shame (there was always a to-be-continued in my head so I could start where I left off). My cousins constantly teased me. I was acting like a “white girl” and “talked white” O_o Even then I knew that they were ignorant as heck, but it did make me for years try to hide my geekiness.

At work, even with the military, I tried to hide it those first years. Then I switched jobs, where the whole job field is brimming with the nerdiest people I have ever met in my life. Their “thing” might not be exactly like my “thing” but they get it. They really do. I don’t have to worry about someone asking me if I watched the latest BET show (wanted to pull my brain out and go play in traffic the last time I was convinced to sit down and watch the game). It’s great that to have a group of people who try to work out all the character motivations on shows like Fringe and Game of Thrones.

So… you say meh, whatever, there’s many openly geeky people in the world nowadays. Being a geek is cool! Uh yeah, okay. I’m not talking fake geeky, whachamacallit Hipsters and the like. I’m talking about that I cried at the end of X-Men 2 because my favorite character died,  even though I KNEW that if they followed the comics, Jean Grey was coming back as the Phoenix. The first Pokemon movie still makes me a little weepy. Shut up.

I taught my son to read by reading subtitles of anime when he was diagnosed with a learning disability. Can your parenting get as cool as that? Pffft, I think not!!!

So, I’m dimensionthe5th, and I’m a proud geek.

Pet Peeve #52.757 – New Adult Readers Reading Bad Things

I love reading. I love books. Although I have an e-reader now, there’s still nothing like the smell of books. Yes, I smell books. I started reading at 4, had moved to chapter books by five. By 10 I was reading Stephen King, and then stories on the high school list like Elie Weisel’s Night, and Things Fall Apart, all of Isaac Asimov and Shakespeare for the heck of it. A speed reader, I would finish a book of around 3-400 pages in a day if I could sneak in the time. Even when I went through basic training and wasn’t allowed to have any books, I had a small notebook that could fit in the pocket of my uniform that I filled with poetry so I could read over and over again.

That being said, although my reading isn’t always high-end (I’ll read sci-fi/fantasy fiction more than anything else, although I love reading nonfiction about different religions), I do know what well written books are. I do know that it takes a certain skill level. And that even a famous writer isn’t THE BEST writer out there. I mean, my favorite two authors of all time are Stephen King and Anne Rice, and they can go for a chapter about a crack in the wall O_o.

My pet peeve though is those adults that haven’t picked up a book since they graduated from high school or college, and then it was only required reading. And then, this NEW HOT BOOK comes out, and they read it, and want to come talk to me. Argh. Grrr. Ugh. Dear Baby Jesus, it’s not even a GOOD BOOK. It’s reads like the author only had a 5th grade level, does not understand what plot is, and can’t construct a complete sentence. Granted, I’m not the best writer, but I’m a lover of good writing skill. And I’m opinionated. And I’m vocal about my opinion.

Like this: I’m at the car dealership getting my car checked, out smoking a cigarette and reading my e-reader (because that’s what I do: feed my brain while I destroy my health) and this older woman walks up. “Hi, you love reading huh? Me too.” Yay another reader! “You know what I ordered on my Kindle and can’t put down?” Please let it be something good. Not that 50 shades of sh– “That 50 Shades of Grey series!”

Pause.

And then my rant spilled forth without me being able to control it. “You know, I’m so tired of hearing about that horrid series. Who the frack would pay for such bad writing? Why would you read such bad and unrealistic erotica when there’s so much better with an actual plot in it. The author writes like she didn’t pass high school, and even her take on BDSM makes it sound like you’re not into that kind of thing unless something is wrong with you. Her characters are Mary Sue characters…”

The question comes of have I read it. “No, a couple of chapters, detailed synopsis. Did you know this was basically fanfiction that she just changed the names? You’re paying money for fanfiction!”

By the way, I love fanfiction. I just think an author should actually EDIT if they’re going to take a story that they wrote for their vision of someone else’s characters and then publish it. And that’s only my most recent pet peeve about new adult readers. The one before that was of course the “Insert Yourself because the whole main character is a blob just waiting for you” Twilight books. And dear Lord, the Da Vinci Code. That was mostly guys: “I read a book. It was great. I am now intellectual.” Go sit in a corner and shut up dude. That author made me fall asleep 3 times trying to read the first chapter before I gave up.

And I understand everyone has their likes and dislikes. Have at it. But if you’ve only read one frackin book or series, do NOT talk to me about favorite authors, about writing styles, skills, and think that you can bond with me. It’s like a person coming up saying they’re a rap fan because they heard a Black Eyed Peas song. Are you serious?!?!?! It’s like saying you like to cook but all you know is Hamburger helper. Delicious at times, but not really high-end cuisine. In fact, I think I’m cooking Hamburger helper for dinner. Who says I’m too uppity and opinionated?

Rant over.