I think I understand how guys fall for 2D characters and fear real women

Seriously, I hate the whole dating game. I hate “getting to know someone” and hoping and planning out possible futures in my head, all for it to fall to pieces. Maybe it’s me, and I’m just too controlling, too much, needing too much attention. Or maybe it’s them another time, where they aren’t ready for the level of commitment. Or maybe it’s both of us another time, where we just aren’t compatible. Or maybe I just keep opening myself to the wrong people.
It may be a problem in what attracts me.
No… I’m not the chick that’s attracted to the bad boy… although they can have those kind of qualities in some aspects I guess. I realized the other day that it probably all has to do with my favorite anime character, and why he is my favorite: Kakashi Hatake from Naruto. Now, stay with me, were going deep into geek territory.
So… Kakashi is the teacher or sensei of the main character. He’s very quiet, apathetic, confident and blunt, and was known to be a genius at a young age. He also lost his mother and then his father at a young age. His father committed suicide. Both of his teammates died early on his life, so at times he’s a pretty sad character. He also loves the pron. Although he cares about other characters, when you sit back and start dissecting this action anime character, you realize he really is more caring about his past and himself, and not really letting anyone else get close to him.
The problem is… that kind of person may be awesome in a ninja cartoon. Not in real life. Those kinds of people in real life end up being emo messes that have breakdowns or just crap over everything. And I’ve been somehow finding that kind of person over and over again and dating them. Shoot me now.
So, yes, maybe I should just stick with my fantasy characters. I know my friends and family want me to get back on the horse and start dating again, but… I’m tired of the “characters” offered.

Diary Entry 42.0000A: Internet Rule 34 and the Dirty Fanfiction Addiction

This post is a confession.

I’m addicted to reading. It’s a healthy addiction I think. I read alot of books, mostly urban fantasy and horror. But there’s a seedy underbelly of my healthy addiction. It happened when I stumbled upon fanfiction.

It was around 2002-3 timeframe. Buffy was in its 6th season I believe. And I just wanted more in the story-line about Spike. Because Spike was hot. You know, they showed a lot of James Marsters’ skin the 6th and 7th season. Nummy. Siiiigh. Ahem, anywhoo, I wanted more with my characters. So I’m spending the military’s money cruising the internet at work, looking for stuff on Buffy (you know, like little tidbits, maybe some spoilers, pics of J. M. with his shirt off and such) and find this website with stories. Huh?

Is this… heaven?

It was a frackin ultimate high.

It was like… remember the What If Marvel Comics? I still have somewhere one from right after the Phoenix Saga. It was taking your favorite characters and continuing the story, or changing it so that what you wanted to happen, happened! It was GREAT!

And then… I found the dirty stories. Of course I did. And hey, my mind is already pretty perverted, but now, where in Season 6 when Buffy and Spike first get all HBO on the screen and it fades to black, now, I had the full story! This was back before I had my own computer and there was such a thing as the government blocking sites or monitoring a regular office’s computer (or I think, no one ever said anything to me, so meh). So I would read all day long. I would print off some chapters to a long fic I was reading, and take it back to my barracks room to finish. I read through the daggone internet all the Buffy fanfic that I could get my hands on until… I couldn’t find anymore to read. It was like, my crack ran out. Sure there were still some stories here and there, but not enough to feed my beast. People weren’t writing fast enough. I’m a frickin speed reader and they weren’t producing! So… I left it for a while… breaking myself away from the addiction.

Until… I started getting into Naruto. Yes, Naruto. Hey, I’m not sure where in the timeline of my life this is, but I know it had to be about 2003 or later because there were already tons of Naruto episodes out. I remember visiting home, and my young sister going on and on about this silly ninja cartoon that she loved. Now, I remember watching Sailor Moon as a younger dimensionthe5th, an even watching a couple of episodes here and there of Pokemon with my siblings (and remember, I can’t watch the first Pokemon movie ending without shedding a tear). But this, this was straight up anime, and I wasn’t THAT kind of geek yet. Until, I sat and watched a couple of episodes. And saw the character Kakashi Hatake. And by then I had my own computer, and I searched… for fanfiction. Oh dear baby Jesus.

It was the super high all over again, and I hid my addiction because who wants to admit to reading dirty stories about cartoon characters? Ha… there’s many on the internet because there are huuuuuuge fanclubs. I even felt bad sometimes watching the show, getting my memories all mixed up, trying to think “Did Kakashi really do that in the anime? Um, no, because only in the fanfiction world would he do that with Sakura because they aged her up.” And after Naruto, I realized there was fanficition for almost any tv show, anime, any book, move, heck even pop stars! Even my beloved X-men characters. Storm and Wolverine definitely should’ve gotten together. The fanfics SAY SO! The writing was sometimes really good, sometimes written by a 13-year-old that obviously never had kiss let alone understood that nookie just did. not. work. that. way.

And let’s not even talk about the male pregnancy fics. What in the blue blazes ?

My son and I are watching Firefly now (well, I’m re-watching). And my laptop is there. My fingers start a-googling. There’s fanfiction. What if Mal Reynolds had a thing for crazy River? Hmmm. *saves link to Mal/River stories, while checking to see if any new Sandor Clegane/Sansa Stark stories were written recently*

I still say it’s a better addiction than most. I mean, this is my brain on fanfiction. Slightly more perverted than normal. Okay, I’m lying, my pervertedness is over 9,000 with a cherry on top. Not because of the internet. That just enhanced it.

Don’t look at me like that. What’s your favorite character, book or show? I dare you to search for some fanfiction for it. Double dog dare you.

There is a such thing as a Black Female Geek

Why am I writing so many posts after just creating this blog? Well I do have some extra time on my hands having just arrived to a new military duty station. On we go….

Intro: I had a Korean boyfriend for about 6 months. He didn’t look to kindly on the fact that I was constantly trying to convince him to dress up like Kakashi Hatake from the anime Naruto.

Hello, my name is dimensionthe5th and I’m a geek. (*waving with maniacal grin)

There’s nothing wrong with me. I look normal, attractive even so I hear when I get hit on. I’m in my early 30’s with a teenage son (do the math, I was not always with a book in my face). I also have a huge photo of Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood and the Cheshire Cat in my office. And my anime character figurines and key chains. And I love conventions and dress-up. And comics and comic book movies. One of my biggest wishes is to see Stephen King’s The Dark Tower Series turned into a show like Game of Thrones. I swear to you I was already saying frack before the re-imagined version of Battlestar Galatica came out.

So how does that work with a black female trying to date? I’m an international dater so I have more to pick from, but still run into the same problems: too much or too little. Either I date the guy who isn’t really into what I am who finds the geeky side cute, and then later expects me to change like I’m a toddler going through a biting phase, OR date the geeky guy who is so far gone they can’t function in normal society. Where the frack is the happy medium! It’s rare.

There’s not just that. Depending on what kind of family you come from you grow up with the derision from other family members. My family is GHET-TO. Yes, I must capitalize. When you have an uncle who at times has been an aspiring singer/pimp/crackhead/ pastor/pill-popping alcohol, you just might have some ghetto in your family. But my parents raised me in the suburbs. And since I was an only child for a long while I didn’t like going outside. I enjoyed reading, pretending to be a wizard, or making full on dramas with my barbies that put Soap Operas to shame (there was always a to-be-continued in my head so I could start where I left off). My cousins constantly teased me. I was acting like a “white girl” and “talked white” Even then I knew that they were ignorant as heck, but it did make me for years try to hide my geekiness.

At work, even with the military, I tried to hide it those first years. Then I switched jobs, where the whole job field is brimming with the nerdiest people I have ever met in my life. Their “thing” might not be exactly like my “thing” but they get it. They really do. I don’t have to worry about someone asking me if I watched the latest BET show (wanted to pull my brain out and go play in traffic the last time I was convinced to sit down and watch the game). It’s great that to have a group of people who try to work out all the character motivations on shows like Fringe and Game of Thrones.

So… you say meh, whatever, there’s many openly geeky people in the world nowadays. Being a geek is cool! Uh yeah, okay. I’m not talking fake geeky, whachamacallit Hipsters and the like. I’m talking about that I cried at the end of X-Men 2 because my favorite character died,  even though I KNEW that if they followed the comics, Jean Grey was coming back as the Phoenix. The first Pokemon movie still makes me a little weepy. Shut up.

I taught my son to read by reading subtitles of anime when he was diagnosed with a learning disability. Can your parenting get as cool as that? Pffft, I think not!!!

So, I’m dimensionthe5th, and I’m a proud geek.